I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. 3. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". What do you call a blonde at a golf course? My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Please sign up with your best email address. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. 5. And it's damn funny. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". My shaft is bent. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Your email address will not be published. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? You need to adjust your grip. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Watch their eyes. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. They expect to succeed! Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? All of them. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Knock, knock I chipped in from the rough! Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Oh my God, what have I just said?". Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. 4. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Why not! "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Nay! How do you know you should be a golfer? Clubbing. Go to the golf course. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Noah. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Is everything okay?. Ben Hogan. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. If we . The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Golf?! At the golf corpse! After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Golf is like doing your taxes. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. 6. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. My drives aren't always long and straight. Another Ball in the Trees. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. If you drink, dont drive. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. In case he got a hole in one! 4. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Lift your head and spread your legs. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? "Golf is my profession. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. I know what to look for. For true success, it matters what our goals are. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. 8. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. And now it will be poisoned for you. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." The Dalai Lama himself. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. And there are windmills. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. 3 / 10. He was puttering around. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? 1. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. I stepped on a rake.". If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. In case they get a hole-in-one! Fantastic 4-some. On the Green In Two. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Very interesting. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. The 19th hole. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. I stepped on a rake. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Its just really hard to play. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Big pupils lead to big scores. He said. Intercourse! Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Boo who? Drops him off at the golf course! Bye Bye Birdie. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? 4. Learn More. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Happy Gilmore. happen again! 1. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. 2. P.G. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Knock, knock There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Correct one fault at a time. 2. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. 22. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Whos there? Just ask my ex -wives. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? 6. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. So, what are your thoughts? Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Dirty Golf Sayings. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Hi there! 3. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Jack Benny. Basketball is a sport for black men. Toggle Navigation Menu . He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. P.G. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Photo: Shutterstock. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. It bends a little to the left. I give him the driver. Just tap it in. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. putt." Why are golf and sex so similar? Boo. 7. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? "Hockey is a sport for white men. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Because he walked into the wrong club! Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Your second mental problem is concentration. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Because her coach was a pumpkin. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Many golfing terms sound naughty. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Hit the ball. I was actually enjoying it. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. A dinner without wine. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. 21. 3 of 10. Sam Snead. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Man: Please dont go. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. The battle that raged inside each players head. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? "Golf is like a love affair. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Get in the hole! Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Peter Jacobson, 33. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Knock, knock So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Fore! A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. fodrizzle. ~ Sijin Bt. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
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