Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. Other mourners are expected to stand. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. Serve his or her favorite foods. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. Post Funeral. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Relatives may wish to sit at the patients bedside, sing. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. Unfortunately, when a son dies, some people come up with public statements along the lines of Theyve lost their only son which is an unfair statement that reeks of gender bias. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. During the initial communication with the family or familys representative, the details surrounding the funeral, burial and memorial service may be obtained. The grieving family may be visited by many wishing to express their sympathies and the time any individual can spend with them may be quite limited. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. Hare Krishna. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. 6. (2020). The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. You have a great responsibility now. 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While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Thanks. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. The rituals will reflect a time of service and mourning, showing the familys dedication to Hindu teachings, beliefs about death, and honoring the memory of the deceased. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). 5. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. Unfortunately, blaming the healthcare establishment is a convenient way to vent the inevitable anger and grief. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. The guests should expect to see the body, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and take a seat quietly. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. Take a look. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. Many make allowances for the cremation to take place but the Hindu funeral rites may be executed on-site. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . This period usually lasts for 10 days. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. The Good Thinking team has produced this short guide to help anyone in the Hindu community across London who has lost a loved one, and to help health and care professionals who are supporting terminally ill patients of the Hindu faith. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Harper San Francisco. It's up to you. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. Can I get anything for you?" May she rest in peace. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. A "shraddha" ceremony. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. 4. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. 4. (1995). Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Will it be a private or open service? 2. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. 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It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. When some one dies his/her jeevan will remain for ten days from the day of death at the place where aparakarmas are being performed. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. Das, S. (n.d.). The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. This link will open in a new window. Passing such a negative remark is easy, just like watching cricket on TV and blaming a fielder for dropping a crucial catch the person criticising has no idea how hard it is to be out there performing. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. people will avoid going to the deceased house. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions.
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